Hey James Hetfield, Take a Long Walk Off a Short Cliff

Remember that movie about that band that was so lame they had to hire a shrink for, like, 40K a week? Well this is them from '85. Man, the years have been rough, haven't they? I can't help but think that if the late, great Cliff Burton hadn't checked out, they would still be a bunch of happy tall-boy drinkin' party animals. I mean, look at how tough that dude is. Starts off the song ripping a major bass solo and then he's like, "Fellas, just chill, I'll do the guitar lead myself." And they have to let him, because I'm pretty sure he could kick all their asses with his bear hands. I bet he was awesome to hang out with too. Probably a real positive guy. When the rest of those dipshits would get drunk and fight with each other he'd probably be all, "Hey brothers, just relax, man. Let's just blow this doob and listen to some Crimson." And then everything would be cool. Then Lars or some other dick would get wasted right before the show and be like, "Cliff, you're such a pussy, man. Why don't you ever fight?" And he'd probably just smile and shake his head and be like "Lars, you're just a washed-up tennis pro." Then he'd walk out on stage and pull a move like this. Speaking of pulled moves, I bet he pulled more cooter than any of the other losers in the band. And did you see his style? Fuck a bunch of wristbands and tank tops. Leave those for the jocks. Homeboy's rockin' the Canadian tuxedo.

R.I.P. sweet prince.

Oh Boy

Look at this "bag of chili", right here ...oh brother ... Apparently Boston College let this mamaluke from the hold steady give a lecture (...quick question: boston is just fully worthless,huh?...)... hey dude how 'bout instead of giving lectures on how be long winded, you write another good record... as a opposed to that pile of shit you brought into my home called "boys and girls in america" ... Oh and by the way being a douche at hi-fi means nothing except "hey look at that fuckin pathetic aging pavement fan tryin to keep it real"...If you are gonna be annoying at least make a badass record like separation sunday and quit with sucking that corporate (& academic) cock ... Look at Greg Ginn: he was a sack of shit but he made/put out bananers records for a long period of time ... and then stole a lotta dudes money ... why don't you steal some money ... at least that'd be way more exciting than teaching an english class

Good One

I like to call these kinds of thing "way-homers" because you see it and laugh and then on the way home you laugh again. Then you get home and download it and show it to someone and say something like, "isn't this thing cuh-razy funny?" and they look at you like you're seven years old.

Seriously though, I'm pretty sure that this is the only reason why they invented the infraweb. Fuck. This might be better than Mike Hunt.

I'll Stop You

You know when you're someplace you've never been and it's a pretty shitty town and you're really hungry so you go to the least shitty diner you can find (that's still unbelievably lousy) and you order a grilled cheese with tomatoes and it blows and you're like, "Man, how do you fuck up a grilled cheese and tomato?" That's kind of how I feel about this (only when I really think about it I can see how someone could easily make a bad sandwich version of this song). You know, I'm probably the last person on Earth who should be giving anyone a hard time for enjoying some success off music, but come the fuck on -- this is really rough. How about that reference to that other song he makes at the end? I can't remember how it goes or who wrote it or anything and I'm waaaayyyyy too lazy to Wikipedia that shit right now, but you know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you don't because you're better than me and only watched the first ten seconds of this clip. Anyway, Morrissey just turned down, like, $75 million to do a Smiths reunion. Tickets to his his show in NYC are around $75. Way to keep it real, bruh.

The Guy from Vegan Riech is "Gettin' Money"

... ala 50 Cent ... Or maybe its that dude Karl from Earth Crisis ... i remeber being so scared of getting the shit kicked outta me for smoking some nails at certain shows ...but i mean its worth the risk to see shelter live ..oh wait no it wasn't).... back in those days there was some story where some SxE vegan douche bag..oh i mean dude... went to an earth crisis show wearing a fake fur coat and "Karl" was like "beat this dude's ass." The said dude worte about it in a fanzine ...and was like look I exposed Karl .. god hardcore was real gay... gayer than a thousands freddie mecurys ...i mean gayer then two men making love... which isn't actually gay in the way i'm using the term ... seriously: how do you spell dipshit? K-A-R-L plus i mean the nignog's name was Karl ...how you gonna be named KArl?! 4 Real... ..that's weaksauce ...

Sultans of Swing

Don't' get me wrong, I like taking a few pulls off the gravity-bong and throwing on a little Wizard of Oz, sans audio, with a little Dark Side of the Moon playing over it just as much as the next guy, but sometimes we all need to branch out a little. That's why, I'm glad we got dudes like the one who put this little chunk of gold together, running around. My first thought with these things is, this guy's got waaaayyyy to much time on his hands. But then I'm like, this probably took 20 minutes, tops, to put together and believe me, I spend a lot more than 20 minutes a day doing shit that is so much less cool it makes feel like I'm a chubby fourth grader all over again. Anyhow, here we have one of the most bad-ass video/audio mash-ups of all time. Two of the greatest bands ever combined into something so tough it makes me want get down on my knees and blow --- I mean pray to --- all who are involved. If someone randomly asked me who the most bad-ass band is I'd instinctively say Mastodon. And then if they were like, okay, who else, I'd say Dire Straits. And if they were like, cool -- who else? I'd say, nobody, bruh, it starts and stops with those two. So imagine the sonic boner I got when I saw this . Fuck.

Jeter's Leftovers

Get it?...oh the irony of it ... they are all white and pastety and wearing all black ... while at the same time its all sunny and nice ... get it? get it? ...

They like everyone else they got back together recently ... think i'll stick to the records brah ...although while i'm being kinda a dick ...that record was pretty much bananas awesome ... first time i heard of them matt hayes was wearing a tshirt in that band at the bottom line with dan silk ... what where they called again, ben?

Oh and some redhead who Derek Jeter used to rail ... likes em too ... god she's awful at singing ...

The 'Don

So that tool Dave Grohl (a tool who actually writes some pretty solid songs) had some kinda room for people to perform in for MTV's VMAs. He invited a bunch duders in there to play with his starfucker ass (Lemmy, QOSTA's Josh Homme, that fat black guy who used to rap but is now Gnarles Barley, and Mastodon). ... hey dave ...not bad... ya douche ...

Anyhoo ... The dude from Mastodon who looks like a Muppet (Brett Hinds) was hanging out afterwards... and I guess some dude rocked him in his face and stabbed his brain with his nose bone .... and sent him to the hopital ... ... oh and not too surprisingly he was inebriated at the time of assault(which for that dude means he was sucking the glass dick) .... CAPILLARIAN ... Here's to a full recovery

King Buzzo Likes the Twins?

Sux for him ...



They're coming to new york soon ... with big business .. nice

Gonna Egg Raid 2Nite

Have you seen these dudes lately? fuck! they look like my grundel ... but way older

He's a Whore

I always thought this was just a big black song ...shows how D-U-M dumb i am ... this whole album is amazing why am i getting into now?! ... i've wasted my life (simpsons comic book guy voice)

I understand that heavy metal is hip now ...

Or maybe its over ... who can keep up ...

I CAN'T KEEP UP; 3x
OUT OF STEP ... WITH THE WORLD

Slayer doing "filler" & "I don't wanna hear it"


But nobody beat the dude ian himself ... plus some weirdo lady wishes herself happy bday ...some dude pushes off stage ... ian deamnds an apology for the lady ...classic ...

why anyone makes a song longer than 24 seconds is beyond me

Beat on the ...

A dude from DEVO's does "the Whisper Song" at some bar. Good times: