Speedo is the Fuckin Balls

What I don't know about John Reis could fill a fuckin library ...but what I do know he is kinda the best ever.

But let me tell you a little story ...

Once upon a time me and young felton were in ninth grade (clearly my sense of humor never left 1993). Like anybody in 9th grade worth a damn, we we trying to be you know a little badass ... hair dying, smoking, pot, esoteric band t-shirts, etc. Okay maybe not badass, but better than the usual.

So the bff (BEN FUCKING FELTON) is like let's go see that band rocket from the crypt at CBGBs. 'Cause you know we had seen sturdy wrists video on the 'ol mtv, and immediately brought (or I think my brother might've stolen it from HMV) the tape of circa: now! Holy pitballs is that a great record. So we roll out with my brother and this dude luke.

Ben had his dinosaur jr t-shirt, and I had my orange hair (except for the big black part where I miss a huge portion of my hair), and we just trying to be fuckin boss, ya know.

And, guess what? we WERE fuckin boss. (At the time and for many years afterward I spent a shitload of time smoking pot, so I don't remember much about the blessed event) However I will never forget the feeling I got of my heart pumping fucking gasoline when Rocket from the Crypt hit the stage. The entire world changed in a way that has yet to be rectified
(ps jawbox and the grifters played,but this is a John Reis post)

A couple months later, in another super RAWK N ROLL move, Ben's parents took us to holocaust museum in D.C. During this trip Ben's purchased a CD of an album called YANK CRIME. I remember chain smoking camel un-filters we got from one of those old machines (man those machines were the best when we were kids) looking at the cd cover.

Then, you know, dudes went to college ...whatever whatever ... RFTC gets back together and it's kinda not super great; Drive like jehu is a wrap. Then all of sudden instead of Y2K, an even bigger "problem" steps on to the world historical stage ... a little record called Automatic Midnight

Then he had that band the sultans, which was real fuckin rad, 'cept they never played.

Now he's got some new deal called the Night Marchers ... so get ready to have your whole situation get topsy turvyed

What I'm trying to say is John Reis ... can we get married already

PS this girl is NOT afraid