Merry Xmas

From the the pope or ... evil incarnate. I'm really not sure which

Ladies and Gentlemen ...

I present to you ... Ben 'Fuckin' Felton:

While me and young Felton made every one's night with our audience participation at Bowery Ballroom (except for this one bouncer who was furious at me)... Some band played some songs ... JESUS, TAKE ME TO A HIGHER PLACE!!!!!!!!!

Touch me I'm sick

Sweet Young Thing Ain't Sweet No More

Need

Part Chimp

I haven't given two shits about Mogawi since "come on die young" (remember how they started the record with that iggy interview ...shit was kinda boss) ... but honestly I can't even think of the name of the record tat cam out after it and i know i bought it

Well, Part Chimp really has nothing to do with Mogawi except that Mogawi put out their record in Europe on Rock Action records (oh yeah that was the (awful) title of the record that followed CODY) ...

Part Chimp is the shit-shit ... Kinda like unwound...if unwound weren't such fucking pussies...uh i mean if they were louder.... I first discovered them cause some smelly fucking hippy used their songs as part of a promo for that "fast food nation" movie ... I am personally pro-multinational corporations killing people off with diseased food, but i thought the songs were kinda killin' 'em so I got "I am come"... good tunes ...they also have a singles comp call "cup" which is pretty much the business ...there first record is called "chart pimp" ... witty...but i ain't heard it ... so in summary

Watch this video, download the songs, buy a record, and prepared to have your face melted off ...




All from the I Am Come record

Punishment Ride
I Am Come
30 Billion People ... not to be confused with 100 million dollars which is also a really good song .. the baby verse kinda blows minds ... IRAN ... and yeah i know white people like lil wheezy in some ironic way ...but "i ain't made at him" cause he kinda drops gems on duders. Forget the other fat guys in the video they ain't saying much. But the birdman/lil Wayne are good...I mean c'mon they are famous rappers yet they have a relationship that is both homoerotic and oedipal at the same time. Not bad.

Sleeveface

Such a simple idea, and yet so genius

For more go here and hit refresh a couple of times

If you are a 12 year old girl and have a facebook account, you can see more here

What the fuck?!

I'm so thoroughly confused... and entertained

Kill Me

Now normally ... I read the words "fall out boy" and i imediatley think "too easy." Making fun of fall out boy or really commenting on them in anyway feels ...well cheap ... like pushing a quadropelgic down a flight of stairs or challenging a retarded adult to a game of chess. But, I'm pretty sure this pile of shit could inspire ian curtis to commit suicide a second time.

Speaking of King Diamond

He's kinda the fucking duder. I mean for real the dude models himself after some nutty voodoo shit ... who did iggy model himself after? jim morrison, fuck that. Who do you model yourself after? Your parents? An old teacher? Mohandas Gandhi? Fuckin lame, bro. Fucking lame.

He named his skull-cross microphone "melissa" ... what did you name yours? Oh yeah, you didn't. Because you don't have one have a fucking skull-cross microphone? DO you, you fucking loser?

Is your non-existant skull croos mic named after a witch? No I didn't think so. The king D named his after this witch who he loved. She got burnt at the stake by a dirty priest. So let's clear one thing up. Even if you had a skull-cross mic it would not have THIS back story. Cause there's no way you could pull a witch dude. You aint got it like that, hos.. Witches are tuff to score with dude, that's kinda a known thing. I mean if you had a shot, but c'mon look in the mirror.

Then you know what your man KD did? Huh, do ya? He put a curse on that prick fucking priest. What would you do? Fucking cry about it? If you don't belive King D did check "Come to the Sabbath" (below) (that not that you'd be invited to sabbath bro, only real motherfucking Gs allowed)

He cursed Manowar (althought I'm pretty sure they cursed themselves by writing those songs) ... ps did you know that a memeber of the dictators was in manowar ... yeah me neither ... wait a second. am i really discussing manowar? .... moving on

here's another thing about "the big D" he loves the hate:

"We hate Mercyful Fate. We just want to kill 'em, then rape King Diamonds mother!" - Cronos, Venom ... who let's face it is quite quotable

I dare to sing that high, broham ... triple-dog-dare ... you aint doing itcause you aint the king, your a prince diamond at best ... probably just a duke ...

nah but seriously .... do me a favor

DON'T BREAK THE OATH!!!!!!!!!

A Dangerous Meeting

The Oath

Come to the Sabbath

Happy Chanukah

What? King Diamond and Aton LaVey are TIght Bros From Way Back When

Dude you gotta hear this if you haven't already ...
Some random dude named Derek just goes off ...it's basically the most amazing thing i've ever heard in my pathetic life. ... Just listen it's just totally fucking beyond anything ... all I'll say is it begins with a discussion of removing a boot and ends with a discussion of Robin Trower, Ritchie Blackmore and David Gilmore that is more entertaining than any music Robin Trower has ever produced


From chunklet:
Known almost exclusively as the back story behind the naming of Olympia's Tight Bros From The Way Back When, this recording provides an extended phone call between a record store employee and a wrecked drug casualty named Derek. All I was able to discover (thru Jared, now currently of Melvins/Big Business) is that Sean Kelly from the band was the one to get this tape initially

This Guy

whats this fucker's name again? ... Ben something? I was never a super fan but I liked Blue Cathedral and im kinda into this video ... unlike B.C. ... its not harshing my meollow
Six Organs of Admittance - Shelter from the Ash

Here's the first three tunes on Blue Cath... cause it about the album not the indivual songs ... ya overstand?

The Bee and the Cracking Egg
Pussy Foot the Duke
Whiskey River

Season Duece

You know the rap dudes say ...What's good?

Well here's the answer:

Season Two of Soft Focus is out. So far he scored interviews with Mark E. Smith and Kevin Shields...not bad ace ... at one point he asks Mark E. Smith about being married ... Mark responds: "you should clean your teeth..." then finally "fucking drop it, ya cunt"

Burka Band

You give me all your love
You give all kisses
and then you touch my burka
and don't know who is it




I know I know ... it's gotta be some dude in skinny jeans pulling yr chain, right? .. according to this dude it's real deal
http://www.lnd.dk/burkaband_eng.htm

P.S.: I could watch that terror..err..lady play the bass all day ... it's not as good as ben's air bass but its something ...

A couple of Old Videos

Cause me & young mr felton are gonna go see these outdated sacks-a-shit try and recapture the magic

Mudhoney -In the Drink


Mudhoney - Here comes Sickness


Speaking of random old people from the the upper left coast ....

Seaweed – Kid Candy (some nog disabled the embedding dohicky for that song Measure)

Quick Question

Who's the aging dope-sick gay man with the unlpugged guitar in the right corner?

Oh, its pat smear

Dave just give him the money for the drugs/rent/etc. don't parade him on stage ...it makes us sad

Amazing Journey: The story of the Who

So I uh, just got a new boss at work ...and yeah he is not dissimilar to the old boss ...

Did you losing losers catch this on vh1 on sat night? If you missed it you blew it ... throughly blew it ... commerical free baby ... ps did you know that the 1996 reunion was so that my main man John Entwistle could cop more skelton leather suits and fancy whips (cars for you crackers) ...apprantley the dude was broke as a joke and Pete only did the reunion so Entwistle could get out from under (Iran)

Anyway ... Hendrix = swagger jacker

Sleep 1994

Go ahead, kick off those ratty reebok hightops, loosen up that "rest in pieces" era bullet belt, crack a ice cold brewsky, twist up that doobage, thrown off that demin jacket with the deep purple patch, and let that rats nest you call a hair do just lay, you got an hour and 18 minutesto wrap your dome-piece around this gem:



I found it on this sah-wheet sleep fan myspace page

You Have to Go Pee-Pee in the Potty

This band is named after peeing your pants, which seems like a good plan to me ‘cause, I mean, honestly -- taking a piss while wearing your pants is punk-fuckin-rock. I mean, I wish I could say i peed myself more often -- i've pissed in my bed more than twice, but never full-on peed my pants.

In the 5th grade this girl pissed herself the first day of school, which was awesome in and of itself since that meant there was pee all over the floor of the class room and Mr. Bass lost his shit (holy shit was he an awful human being. But I mean, c'mon. A pissed floor? That's good times, right there.)

The other thing that was amazing about the incident was the response from the school. This girl happened to have peed on the floor of "top class" of PS 95. (I'm not tootin' my own horn. Being in the top class of a public school in the Bronx is like being the dude in Rush who gets the most ass: every other fifth grade class was filled with 25 year old juvenile delinquents)

Anyway, after she pissed herself she got demoted a class (ouch) "Oh you pissed yourself? I see. Well then you are clearly a functional retard. I think we'll give your spot in the top class to a brick, since that brick would clearly be better prepared for the level of work in this class." Basically what I’m saying is that the event was kinda awesome in its cruelty -- let's hope she didn't become a prostitute

In terms of the band, the record’s pretty decent, if dirivitive. (david yow, much?).

But it’s a pretty fun record. I mean, c'mon. The song's about ice cream rather than the usual shit of politics (born against) or drugs/molestation/AIDS/being an asshole (drunks with guns)



Speaking of Sub Pop, somebody tell that nub-guzzler Iron and Wine to go somewhere quiet and peaceful and shoot himself ...

Once You Go Black...

You know, I really wish I could just do some straight trash-talkin' right now, but I can't. Fuck, dude, does it get any better than this? That's a rhetorical question, numb-nuts, but I'll answer it anyway: no. Where to begin here? First of all, Frank Black wrote/writes the best songs of the last 20 plus years. Second of all, these are 3 of them. Third of all, how good is this?!?! And that band too -- old dudes? Longhairs? So good! I bet if you actually gave them enough weed so that they'd let you hang on the bus, you'd end up feeling like the biggest chode of all time. You'd be sitting there, eatin' Mexican food with 'em and they'd just be cracking all these awesome inside jokes that you don't get. They'd say something rad like, "Hey guy, that rip you laid on the slab last night was way on the other end of Chunesville" and then all laugh their damn faces off and you'd be sitting there not getting it so you'd laugh too (you know, just to, like, be a part of something) and they'd all stop (think: record screeching to a halt) and look at you for a sec and then go back to it shaking their heads and chuckling softly. Maybe one of them would say something like, "So weak" just to point out how much of a poseur you are. That would happen to me, at least. Anyway, it'd be fantastic.

Speaking of fantastic, when was MTV so damn good? I'm not one of these losers that's like, "This blows! There's no music! It's all reality TV!" (because I'm honest with myself) but damn son, this is some edgy shit -- sort of.

Oh, and P.S. I'm not talking about how awesome the Pixies were. They were really great and all, but here's to the one person I can think of (right now) who was better as a solo artist. Sue me. Stone me. Drown me. It's how I feel. It's called maturity -- Google it.

Anyhow, enjoy.



P.P.S. This is another one of the best songs ever written. It's on the same album as those others, but that's not the point. The point is, what's the story with that drummer's hat? Did he just get off his shift at Blades West? (That's a UWS reference. For those not in the know: Did he just get off his shift at the local snowboard/Rollerblade shop? -- ed.) Still, pretty X-Treme.



P.P.P.S. Lyle Workman

Fuck Yeah: Silkworm

Remeber when "indie rock" did not simply mean some extra skinny dude emothing like an asshole or rehasing disco in an ironic way ...

There really was a time that were some pretty decent bands who feel under that genere tag ...right? I mean I'm not crazy am i? (There was definitley a fuckload of lame ones,but..)...Yes, I know it to be true cause Silkworm was one of those bands

Happy Birthday Robbie Talihan

On this day, 28 years ago, the great stork of life landed and coughed up my dear friend and yours, Mr. Robbie Talihan. Believe me, I could wax nostalgic about the last decade and a half, but I'll spare us all and just say -- happy birthday, my brother. Here's to 28 more.

Thuston Moore Just Like to Hear Himself Talk ...

Or sing or whatever ... Remember when Thurston Moore was like the taste maker of the post--punk world (I think there was a bikini kill song about it)... He'd be like "you know what band is super-duper rad? Blank" ...and nominally employed dudes with college degrees, 2nd hand tshirts, corduroys, and glasses across the country would nod in agreement

Now i guess he's kinda bored or whatever ... and was just like "yeah ...um ...these dudes kinda sound like my old band ... good enough...digg on it"

Honestly I'm kinda "all set" with mr. moore ... the guy moved to my college town (when i was in college there) and acted like he was all boss hog (not the jon spencer side project) ... Acting all: king shit of fuck mountain ... hey fuckface you're almost 50 ...get over it ... yeah, alright, we get it you used to make love to lydia lunch or sumin and you discovered j macisis before us ... okay ... nice work ... blue ribbon plus the gold star ... go home and raise your children, hoss ...

However, for a song trying to sonic youth, I thought this was kinda decent ... p.s. i've these dudes described as noise ... i'm no enthnomusicologist but i'm pretty sure the following aint what the kids like to call noise rock

Hey James Hetfield, Take a Long Walk Off a Short Cliff

Remember that movie about that band that was so lame they had to hire a shrink for, like, 40K a week? Well this is them from '85. Man, the years have been rough, haven't they? I can't help but think that if the late, great Cliff Burton hadn't checked out, they would still be a bunch of happy tall-boy drinkin' party animals. I mean, look at how tough that dude is. Starts off the song ripping a major bass solo and then he's like, "Fellas, just chill, I'll do the guitar lead myself." And they have to let him, because I'm pretty sure he could kick all their asses with his bear hands. I bet he was awesome to hang out with too. Probably a real positive guy. When the rest of those dipshits would get drunk and fight with each other he'd probably be all, "Hey brothers, just relax, man. Let's just blow this doob and listen to some Crimson." And then everything would be cool. Then Lars or some other dick would get wasted right before the show and be like, "Cliff, you're such a pussy, man. Why don't you ever fight?" And he'd probably just smile and shake his head and be like "Lars, you're just a washed-up tennis pro." Then he'd walk out on stage and pull a move like this. Speaking of pulled moves, I bet he pulled more cooter than any of the other losers in the band. And did you see his style? Fuck a bunch of wristbands and tank tops. Leave those for the jocks. Homeboy's rockin' the Canadian tuxedo.

R.I.P. sweet prince.

Oh Boy

Look at this "bag of chili", right here ...oh brother ... Apparently Boston College let this mamaluke from the hold steady give a lecture (...quick question: boston is just fully worthless,huh?...)... hey dude how 'bout instead of giving lectures on how be long winded, you write another good record... as a opposed to that pile of shit you brought into my home called "boys and girls in america" ... Oh and by the way being a douche at hi-fi means nothing except "hey look at that fuckin pathetic aging pavement fan tryin to keep it real"...If you are gonna be annoying at least make a badass record like separation sunday and quit with sucking that corporate (& academic) cock ... Look at Greg Ginn: he was a sack of shit but he made/put out bananers records for a long period of time ... and then stole a lotta dudes money ... why don't you steal some money ... at least that'd be way more exciting than teaching an english class

Good One

I like to call these kinds of thing "way-homers" because you see it and laugh and then on the way home you laugh again. Then you get home and download it and show it to someone and say something like, "isn't this thing cuh-razy funny?" and they look at you like you're seven years old.

Seriously though, I'm pretty sure that this is the only reason why they invented the infraweb. Fuck. This might be better than Mike Hunt.

I'll Stop You

You know when you're someplace you've never been and it's a pretty shitty town and you're really hungry so you go to the least shitty diner you can find (that's still unbelievably lousy) and you order a grilled cheese with tomatoes and it blows and you're like, "Man, how do you fuck up a grilled cheese and tomato?" That's kind of how I feel about this (only when I really think about it I can see how someone could easily make a bad sandwich version of this song). You know, I'm probably the last person on Earth who should be giving anyone a hard time for enjoying some success off music, but come the fuck on -- this is really rough. How about that reference to that other song he makes at the end? I can't remember how it goes or who wrote it or anything and I'm waaaayyyyy too lazy to Wikipedia that shit right now, but you know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you don't because you're better than me and only watched the first ten seconds of this clip. Anyway, Morrissey just turned down, like, $75 million to do a Smiths reunion. Tickets to his his show in NYC are around $75. Way to keep it real, bruh.

The Guy from Vegan Riech is "Gettin' Money"

... ala 50 Cent ... Or maybe its that dude Karl from Earth Crisis ... i remeber being so scared of getting the shit kicked outta me for smoking some nails at certain shows ...but i mean its worth the risk to see shelter live ..oh wait no it wasn't).... back in those days there was some story where some SxE vegan douche bag..oh i mean dude... went to an earth crisis show wearing a fake fur coat and "Karl" was like "beat this dude's ass." The said dude worte about it in a fanzine ...and was like look I exposed Karl .. god hardcore was real gay... gayer than a thousands freddie mecurys ...i mean gayer then two men making love... which isn't actually gay in the way i'm using the term ... seriously: how do you spell dipshit? K-A-R-L plus i mean the nignog's name was Karl ...how you gonna be named KArl?! 4 Real... ..that's weaksauce ...

Sultans of Swing

Don't' get me wrong, I like taking a few pulls off the gravity-bong and throwing on a little Wizard of Oz, sans audio, with a little Dark Side of the Moon playing over it just as much as the next guy, but sometimes we all need to branch out a little. That's why, I'm glad we got dudes like the one who put this little chunk of gold together, running around. My first thought with these things is, this guy's got waaaayyyy to much time on his hands. But then I'm like, this probably took 20 minutes, tops, to put together and believe me, I spend a lot more than 20 minutes a day doing shit that is so much less cool it makes feel like I'm a chubby fourth grader all over again. Anyhow, here we have one of the most bad-ass video/audio mash-ups of all time. Two of the greatest bands ever combined into something so tough it makes me want get down on my knees and blow --- I mean pray to --- all who are involved. If someone randomly asked me who the most bad-ass band is I'd instinctively say Mastodon. And then if they were like, okay, who else, I'd say Dire Straits. And if they were like, cool -- who else? I'd say, nobody, bruh, it starts and stops with those two. So imagine the sonic boner I got when I saw this . Fuck.

Jeter's Leftovers

Get it?...oh the irony of it ... they are all white and pastety and wearing all black ... while at the same time its all sunny and nice ... get it? get it? ...

They like everyone else they got back together recently ... think i'll stick to the records brah ...although while i'm being kinda a dick ...that record was pretty much bananas awesome ... first time i heard of them matt hayes was wearing a tshirt in that band at the bottom line with dan silk ... what where they called again, ben?

Oh and some redhead who Derek Jeter used to rail ... likes em too ... god she's awful at singing ...

The 'Don

So that tool Dave Grohl (a tool who actually writes some pretty solid songs) had some kinda room for people to perform in for MTV's VMAs. He invited a bunch duders in there to play with his starfucker ass (Lemmy, QOSTA's Josh Homme, that fat black guy who used to rap but is now Gnarles Barley, and Mastodon). ... hey dave ...not bad... ya douche ...

Anyhoo ... The dude from Mastodon who looks like a Muppet (Brett Hinds) was hanging out afterwards... and I guess some dude rocked him in his face and stabbed his brain with his nose bone .... and sent him to the hopital ... ... oh and not too surprisingly he was inebriated at the time of assault(which for that dude means he was sucking the glass dick) .... CAPILLARIAN ... Here's to a full recovery

King Buzzo Likes the Twins?

Sux for him ...



They're coming to new york soon ... with big business .. nice

Gonna Egg Raid 2Nite

Have you seen these dudes lately? fuck! they look like my grundel ... but way older

He's a Whore

I always thought this was just a big black song ...shows how D-U-M dumb i am ... this whole album is amazing why am i getting into now?! ... i've wasted my life (simpsons comic book guy voice)

I understand that heavy metal is hip now ...

Or maybe its over ... who can keep up ...

I CAN'T KEEP UP; 3x
OUT OF STEP ... WITH THE WORLD

Slayer doing "filler" & "I don't wanna hear it"


But nobody beat the dude ian himself ... plus some weirdo lady wishes herself happy bday ...some dude pushes off stage ... ian deamnds an apology for the lady ...classic ...

why anyone makes a song longer than 24 seconds is beyond me

Beat on the ...

A dude from DEVO's does "the Whisper Song" at some bar. Good times:

Eff America

I wanna be the mayor of Hoogie-Boogie Land ...I know why they're called complete they're the personificatio of the word.

Black Lips - Katrina

It sorta weird to me that no one has noticed that the name of this band is "black lips" and the song is called katrina" ... isn't that wildly offensive or sumin to somebody?

So wait ..is that cool to be?

Big Business is Business

i'm with old ian mackaye ... enough of this "moshing business". I mean alright already ... you don't even know how to properly do it. I get it ...you enjoyed Superfuzz Bigmuff ...me too ...but quit elbowing me when I'm trying "get into the zone" with a little big biz! Can't a 27 year old take a couple shots and take a couple of drags from a doobie and watch some dudes fuckin slay on a Tuesday nite without have some thick necked old man throwing his shoulder out in front of me. Even with that Big Business kilt it last nite ... that boy can play drums.

I Responded With My Right Hand